Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
