I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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