You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
