lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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