I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
