I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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