she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize