I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
