Already got asked if we're dating
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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