I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
