Got a toothbrush?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize