Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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