my vag is so smooth its legendary
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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