HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
