craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
