I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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