Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize