We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
