no, he came in my armpit
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
