She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
