i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
