So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
