at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
