mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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