I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
