I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm having to shit out rocks
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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