two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
