Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
