is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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