the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
