Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
