wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
