Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
