also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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