I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we're making bets on your personal life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize