i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
