I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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