You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
