he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
