After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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