ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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