Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I will be naked everywhere
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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