dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
