my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let's get the cat blown out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
