She's JV to your varsity
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
