Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
