hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
