Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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