I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
