White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
