I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
