Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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