So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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