she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
