haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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