Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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