i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
