Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
