Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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