she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
