Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
