My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
