so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
