Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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