I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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