I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Four minutes until I can fart!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
