it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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