I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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