There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
