We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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