No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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