she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
