theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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