If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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