I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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