I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
