You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
