It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
