I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
