your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
please come you make the beer taste better
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
