i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
