Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
