Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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