I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
